you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
