Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Randomize
