My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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