dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
