remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
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So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
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