member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
