I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Couch. On fire.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
