I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
