You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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