thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
