i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
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She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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