Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Randomize
