I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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