Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
