You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
