He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
