Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
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