as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
