i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
