There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
