It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
