I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I FOUND THE LEGS
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
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