first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
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