Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
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