real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
