I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
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I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
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