after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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