she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Randomize
