Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Randomize
