yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Randomize
