Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
