I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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