That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
