Small penises have feelings too.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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