can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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