literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
