rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
