her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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