how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
