Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
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