It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
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