New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
do herpes really smell.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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