someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
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