How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
