you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Define "chronic" masturbator.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
As shirtless as possible
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
