Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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