hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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