Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
