good thing vaginas are great cup holders
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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