so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
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I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
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you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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