I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
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