Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Randomize
