You're my little dorito
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
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