So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
