Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
