he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
