I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
