I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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