I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
