Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(334): View more from Alabama

I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is

(1-334): View more from Alabama

I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...

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(574): View more from Indiana

So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.

(574): View more from Indiana

Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.

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(843): View more from South Carolina

there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.

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(516): View more from New York

doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine

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(219): View more from Indiana

I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.

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(903): View more from Texas

I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"

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(614): View more from Ohio

You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"

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(614): View more from Ohio

I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.

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